Teach me how to Blog, Teach me How to Blog… Now everybody Bloggin, Now everybody Bloggin! Ya Aint Messin With My Blog!

According to my Facebook news feed (where I get all my news) there has been an influx of blog writers. The likes of DJ Grant and Ty Schmitt to name a few of these blog bandwagon participants. DJ is like a young Dr. House without any medical credentials, so pretty much just a sarcastic pretentious asshole, but a comical one at that. I have not been formally introduced to Ty, but if he’s anything like his grandparents cookies (his grandparents are our neighbors and always make time to bake our family a little something) he is probabley amazing, delicious, and covered in frosting (no homo). I feel like I am at constant competition with the likes of these two adversaries and many others that feel the need to write about topics that they feel passionate about. I mean these individuals do not deserve the same human rights as are afforded to me in the constitution.

I look at myself as the innovator the pioneer of the blog almost like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg or who ever invented the hand job or oral sex to give virgin Christian girls the opportunity to stay in committed relationships with their sexually oppressed horny boyfriends without comprising their belief system. I feel like Jesus in some aspects when it comes to bloggin, I have many followers, many read my blog like a bible, and although I cant walk on water, I do however walk all over blogs inferior to mine (which every blog is inferior to mine).

A blog is like a child it needs to be nutured, developed, breast feed, and followed by strange older often paranoid people who would often rather decorate their dungeon and dragon's cloak than go outside and bask in sunlight. (These people often obtain a level 92 boner by watching internet porn) Okay maybe not the last two… When I see all these blogs poppin up after I layed the groundwork, I feel like the old cynical man who spends a little to much time nurturing his lawn and kids are always constantly trouncing on it and he grabs his shotgun and cocks it back at them in an effort to persuade them to kindly step the fuck off and will use the most outlandishly corny terms to avoid from cursing. (Dag nambit, horse feathers, cheese and rice, oh fuzzles, Drew Carey) God forbid they swear but yet they feel no remorse when it comes to pointing a loaded weapon in someone’s general proximity

But in all seriousness I love writing this blog and writing things I feel passionate about or at least what others will find entertaining (and not having it being minimized to 140 or 240 character, ya im looking at you Twitter and Facebook statuses) I think its really quite dandy there is an influx of people who have decided to take up this hobby as well. I would like to extend a warm greeting to writers of a blog and those who read their blog. Welcome to the Gates of No Lifeville… population growing