Police Shenanigans

Recently I was victimized by a blow to the side of the head to which I did not retaliate but instead left this issue in the hands of the people that are paid and trained to serve and protect the community. Being a criminology major I have the utmost faith in the system and thought I had more than a good enough case established formulated from witnesses and the transparent swelling from the side of my head. Boy was I wrong!

I called the dispatcher notifying them of what happened and that there had been drinking involved by both me and the perpetrator. (Although witnesses will attest to the fact the assailant having about 2 beers over the span of 3 hours hardly impairing any judgment, the factors that led to me being punched were premeditated and the fact that I was in a position of weaknesses when I was in fact struck) But I digress… I alerted this fact to the dispatcher that there was alcohol involved and asked “If the cops were going to chalk it up to an alcohol induced matter and not take the claims seriously” and whether or not I was wasting my time. She had assurance in her voice telling me “Not at all” in a very laconic nonsensical tone. At this point in the night my confidence is exceeding high now offered further reassurance by the dispatcher.

Within 15 minutes the police arrive which in my opinion is a very good response rate for a non-emergency call to which I do give them credit. Two officers arrive and knock on the door and I open the door up and proceed outside, immediately I recognize one officer from a ruckus party one of my roommates decided to throw for a 21st birthday party on a Thursday night. I will identify these officers by officer 1 and officer 2. To illustrate what these officers looked like, they appeared to be descendents of hoggish greedily’s family (Google search Captain Planet for more information) The reason I offer this imagery is not to perpetuate a metaphor of cops being pigs in fact I think they play a vital role in the community, but because I am a modern day Rembrandt with words and analogies as my paint brushes.
Officer 1 asks “So what’s the deal?” I immediately don’t like the format that the question is posed, I lay out the situation that I was punched while I was texting in the side of the face and the assailant ran away, I also let them know that alcohol was consumed to a certain extent.

Officer 2 “This is the 2nd time I have been called out here, maybe you should just stop having people over” At this point red flags are shooting up, these officers do not want to be here and officer number 2 already has pre-condition against the residence of my apartment, victim or not. Secondly if he is called a million times over to this residence he shouldn’t complain this is his job to serve and protect along with this do not tell me not to invite patrons over to the residence that I pay rent on. I begin to notice arms folded by officer 2 and officer 1 begins to slouch this body language indicates that they want nothing to do with being here and my claim has lost credibility.

Officer 1 “Well do you even know who it is who punched you” Again oozing unprofessionalism, this question should be asked “Do you know who the person was who punched you” The well do you adds a tone in which the officer again implies he could be doing bigger and better things like busting ruckus parties and making OWI arrests the Cedar Falls polices forte these of course both being victimless crimes. I would figure when it comes to a crime that a victim has actually notified them and has witnesses they would want to take action. I alert the officers to the fact that it is indeed someone I know.

Officer 2 “What did you say to him that provoked him to do this” I chuckle inside a little, let’s say hypothetically speaking I did say something, regardless of this fact he has no right to strike me. Officer 2 seemingly has complete disregard for my rights afforded to me by the constitution, because he has already labeled me the “party guy” from the “party house” in his head. I report to the cops that I did nothing that I was aware of and that anyone else was aware of. The cops seem unimpressed by this answer and believe I am lying. When in fact I text the assailant the next day and ask “Why did you punch me” he texts back “because I can” and bases his motivation off an encounter that happened long ago about me adding a girl he knew on Facebook, not even one he had a close relationship with. (Take a second to laugh your ass off at this for the basis of punching someone, read Mike Wood’s blog for more information on this ludicrous behavior) So indeed I was telling the truth and this crime was a premeditated attack.

Officer 1 *yawns*

Officer 2 Is glancing around looking at the street. At this point I’m expecting Ashton Kutcher to come out and tell me I’m being punked.
Officer 1 Is glancing around like a bird watcher at what’s occurring across the street while I talk, they both lock in on a car parking across the street. Let me tell you this there is absolutely nothing suspicious about this car either and the patron inside it, but yet a possible victimless crime gives them an erection you can tell they are turned on to this car.

Officer 1 *perks up as if to have digested a 5 hour energy* Do you know who that is? (referring to the person in the car parking) Officer 2 *eyes deadlocked* “No I don’t” I respond, I begin to wonder if these two are really cops or if they are actors doing method acting for a role for the installment of Super Trooper 2 or another Police Academy sequel or maybe they just got there police science degrees online. By this time they can tell I’m more pissed than a Mormon at a strip club.

Officer 1 “Well I have been punched before” followed by a shoulder shrug. My eyes widen I am enraged to the nth degree. The law is not based on what this officer has and has not experienced. Would he say this to a female or an older member in society who is male especially one that has clout in the community, I can ensure you he wouldn’t. What if this officer had been sexually molested and I was calling to report sexual abuse, would he give me the good ole shoulder shrug and say “Oh well shit I have been sexually molested, it’s just something that happens to everyone”.
This is absolutely awful logic plain and simple.

There is an elongated pause, At this point I want to take Justice to an optometrist and see if there are corrective lens and or laser eye surgery it can endure because I have come to the conclusion that Justice truly is blind.

Officer 1 *arms flailing out to the side like a teenager that gets a list of chores and panders for a way out of them* “Well… what do you want us to do about it” this statement is in a whiny voice. I respond “what are my options?” Officer 1 “Well we could go after him but then we would have to get statements from ALL parties involved or you could just sleep it off and not have him over again”. The reason the word “all” was illuminated in that previous sentence was because he elongated that word and put heavy emphasis on it as if it would take forever and involved paperwork for this crime and they weren’t to be about being burden by that.

At this point I stand a defeated man with red swelling on the side of my face and not sure who to harbor more despise for me, the perpetrator that punched or the unprofessional cops who stand before. I decide not to pursue it any further, the reason for this is because of the lack luster police who wanted nothing to do with this based on their mannerisms, body language, and the discourse. The job description of police officer is to serve and protect and these cops were fitting that mold except what they were serving me was bullshit and what they were protecting was the perpetrator. Since this event I have questioned my major of criminology, do I really want to be a part of an organization that showcases this kind of behavior. Then I thought to myself maybe I can serve as an agent of change and reform the system, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.