The "Bro" Pandemic

Yes you know them... you may congregate in the same places as them, you may work with them even, god forbid you may even live with one... yes I cringe just typing it, Im refering to a "Bro" its Genus Species is "Toolery Douchbaggist" mainly indiginous to North American but can be located anywhere globally. Now how might one spot a bro... A Bro known for rocking diamond earring probabley from their 12 year old sisters jewelery collection (Claires brand merchandise), incessantly wearing their hat backwards, and wearing cutoffs or high school football shirts reliving their glory days and or alternating daily between tap out and affliction shirts and not just every now and then on a regular basis. If given the opportunity they would pry show up to a job interview in this attire. I could imagine only imagine what their resume would look like and the reaction from employers after thumbing it over would probabley sound something like this "Im sorry but your ability to get pussy and throw a football 60 yards just isn't what were looking for here at McDonalds right now... have you tried Burger King yet?"

Number one indicator though is dialogue used on a regular basis, if when exchanging words with a male counterpart this individual articulates the word "bro" in just about every sentence and uses it to end every sentence serving as an impromptu period, you have just encountered a full fledged "bro" and should proceed with the utmost caution because more bros are likely to inhabit the area your in if not already present. No matter how much prior experience you have being in the proximity of a bro or a bro fest you will never truly be able to be desensitized to their obnoxious behavior and marginalized conversation topics. (e.g. whats up bro, lets drink bro, look at that piece of ass bro, you wanna spot me on this bench bro" Lets just say this if you were in a room with a bro, osama bin laden, and justin beiber and given a gun with two bullets you would shoot the bro...TWICE, thats just the extent of how annoying they are. After shooting the bro then Beiber would start singing "Theres gunna be one less lonely bro" with Bin Laden providing a harmony and then you immediately regret not shooting yourself in that
situation.

(Steps up to a podium, photogs flashing away) How do we stop this bro issue! (drops fist on podium with a loud crash) I'll tell you how! If your a male treasure your uniqueness and quit trying to conform to this strain of hegemonic masculinity. If your a female quit rewarding these "bros" by dating them and serving up sexual favors to them it only serves as a catalyst for other males to want to tap into these same outlets and conform to this same system because they look at the prospect of being rewarded equally and decide to invest in it. (Points to audience and cameras)Now its up to all of you to stop this pandemic! (Everyone stands up and claps feverishly)

Member of the media asks "what should we label a bro that is mentally challenged"

I respond "A slowbro" (everyone laughs and press conference is wrapped up) (I walk away with a sense of pride knowing I just informed people on putting a halt to the bro pandemic and ended my blog on a pokemon joke)