Victor and Friends
Victor and Friends
The past two summers have been marked by monumental events that have taken place at one location "Victor's house". This event occurs every summer time his mother goes on an excursion throughout the U.S. on religious retreats, ironic in the sense that the events that occur at victor's house are anything but holy. Its more of a secular religion that is celebrated on the Coleflesh estate that occurs each summer christened by a beer pong table, loud music, and clothes coming off. When I mass text the congregation of members who showcase their "faith" over at this estate with the phrase "victor's house tonight" they know its going to be an amazing night
littered with new stories that will be told years from now all starting from the template "Remember that one time at victor's when...." Victor's humble abode is more than just a residence its an expierence unlike any other.
The Main patrons who attend (regulars)
Victor Coleflesh- Obviously he is the head master of these quarters. Usually you will see him galivanting around socializing with females on the phone and commenting on the posterier of them. Hes a modern day chief boyardee (or as most like to call him Chef BoyyyyYouAreBlack!" whipping up entrees for onlookers to "smash". Victor is known for his unintentional humor and addiction to gin. As Christina Aguilera would say "Its a gin in a bottle baby... you gotta drink it the right way". Victor can be easily aggitated when he wakes up to the debris that has manifested from the previous night, but this is not a detterent from keeping the party going the next night. Two of Victors most memorable moments involve attempting to shovel vomit in a pan down another patrons throat and assisting in dragging a homosexual that had fallen asleep in his house in the middle of the road.
Trent Prugh- Trent is a different breed and can only be truly described as a character. He is known for his overtly meterosexual brand of attire and just all around friendly disposition. Trent is widely excoriated by the group because of his courtship with a girl who suffers from retardation. Yes... retardation no way to sugar coat that and or turn the cheek to this. We have to listen to her incessant whining which generally consists of "Trent I'm tired, take me home" which he has finally developed immunities to after hearing her sound like a broken record time and time again. Most people have the 300 lb gorrilla in the room they try not to acknowledge in our inner circle its the retard that looks like Harry Potter that people avoid. Trent is known for two incidents having a "fiesta" as he dubbed it in Victors kitchen where he got extremely inebrieated decided to make himself at home and delve through his cupboards until he found tortilla chips. When he found these he proceded to throw them everywhere on the kitchen and yelling "Fiesta, Fiesta!" The next event was one in which Trent vomited all over victors couch making no attempt to vomit in the bathroom or outside. Trent always keeps things interesting and you can always count on him to make the night interesting to say the least.
Pat Kapler- Usually rocking a wife beater coupled with the temperant that can only be described by a song lyric by Outkast "Whats cooler than being cool... ICE COLD". Ice cold is the swagger that Kapler posesses can be seen by anyone within the proximity. He exudes confidence but not cockiness and is known to be a real menace for opponents on the beer pong table. Kapler has been slated for a reality show on Fox premiering this Feburary on Fox called "Pat on the back" in which people get subjugated by Pat whether it be in Scrabble, basketball, or life in general. The show is aptly titled "Pat on the back" because Pat is left to console his opponents after destroying them and leaving them in tears so he offers them a "Pat on the back".
Chris Baker- 3 hour workouts, ramen noodles, and sentence structure that leaves you scratching your head... this is what truly describes Chris Baker. Baker has the laughter of a child and the anime collection of one too, but yet poses some of lifes deepest questions such as "does anyone need a fork?" and "have you guys seen john and quiet bill" refering to Jay and Silent Bob. His domain has also been the headliner for many a party adorned with black lights (thanks to the great folks at Spencers)and a fog machine, one could easily describe his basement as an LSD den but no its just Baker's basement. Bakers place is also known for his loud music and even louder mother known for her signature line "Chris get up here!" its hard to carry a conversation your voice begins to give out and succomb to the pressure of making facial and hand gestures to denote the message your trying to get across. I could write about Baker for awhile but I dont want to befuddle my readers with non sense and have them conversing in gestures as well. Well as far as writing about Baker anymore all I have to say is "Thats It Im Out Of Here". Look for his biography coming to a retail store near you entitled "The Boat That Never Left The Dock" with special word from Marvin The Farmer aka the man that "pitchforks" Bakers mother.
Jessica Rupp- A newbie to the inner circle is known to contribute her small town ways of life to the groups subculture. Although unfamiliar previously within the group she is slowly and surely being indoctrinated into their ways of life. To show her allegiance one of the first nights at Victors house she made her face very familiar with the toilet rumor has it later they added each other on facebook which Jessica's boyfriend was none to happy about. She is known for her eccentric smile, happy dispostion, offering advice to those who suffer from mental disabilites, and giving rides to those who are in need (we all are in need). If you junxtapose her to Chris Baker they are pretty much exactly opposite physcially and mentally to paint a picture. After a few drinks her signature line is "I love you" followed by a cozy hug. Jessica is a great addition to the group and adds an element that is lacked by many members some will say that element is a car while others say a brain.
Ursula Felix- Ursula known for her ostentatious way of dressing and a story at her disposal for every situation we may encounter and situations that we dont encounter, every word that is said is a possible trigger setting off a new story. She always keeps things lively and keeps people on their toes especially that of Chris Baker calling him out on several occasions. With a strong addiction to apples to apples you would guess she is very nutritious. Her likes include dominant men (see Kapler for more information), dancing to michael jackson endorsed games, and pondering whether people like her or not. Dislikes include people with autism, guys "fronting", and needles.
Cheap liquor runs rampant throughout this oasis with antequated songs and a damaged beer pong table these aggregrate pieces cumulate together to form the backbone of what victor's house truly is. To extend the religious metaphor we take communion with the liquor and sing along to the hymns being emitted from whomevers Ipod may be plugged in. Confession time comes when we are truly inebrieated enough to voice how we really feel. This experience is one that not many have felt on the grounds of the almighty victors, but one that should be crossed off everyones bucket list.
Update: During the elongated time it took writing this holy journal Victor has been exiled from his house by the will of his "Christian" mother and is currently staying at Bakers. Not only due to his get togethers but because of a 32 year old homeless man named Ryan Yuska (aka Ryan "UsedYa" because he UsedYa for all that you had when everything is said and done) decided Victor's mother's room would be prime real estate to securely put his homosexual porn collection. So I would like to extend a big "FUCK YOU" to Ryan Yuska.
The past two summers have been marked by monumental events that have taken place at one location "Victor's house". This event occurs every summer time his mother goes on an excursion throughout the U.S. on religious retreats, ironic in the sense that the events that occur at victor's house are anything but holy. Its more of a secular religion that is celebrated on the Coleflesh estate that occurs each summer christened by a beer pong table, loud music, and clothes coming off. When I mass text the congregation of members who showcase their "faith" over at this estate with the phrase "victor's house tonight" they know its going to be an amazing night
littered with new stories that will be told years from now all starting from the template "Remember that one time at victor's when...." Victor's humble abode is more than just a residence its an expierence unlike any other.
The Main patrons who attend (regulars)
Victor Coleflesh- Obviously he is the head master of these quarters. Usually you will see him galivanting around socializing with females on the phone and commenting on the posterier of them. Hes a modern day chief boyardee (or as most like to call him Chef BoyyyyYouAreBlack!" whipping up entrees for onlookers to "smash". Victor is known for his unintentional humor and addiction to gin. As Christina Aguilera would say "Its a gin in a bottle baby... you gotta drink it the right way". Victor can be easily aggitated when he wakes up to the debris that has manifested from the previous night, but this is not a detterent from keeping the party going the next night. Two of Victors most memorable moments involve attempting to shovel vomit in a pan down another patrons throat and assisting in dragging a homosexual that had fallen asleep in his house in the middle of the road.
Trent Prugh- Trent is a different breed and can only be truly described as a character. He is known for his overtly meterosexual brand of attire and just all around friendly disposition. Trent is widely excoriated by the group because of his courtship with a girl who suffers from retardation. Yes... retardation no way to sugar coat that and or turn the cheek to this. We have to listen to her incessant whining which generally consists of "Trent I'm tired, take me home" which he has finally developed immunities to after hearing her sound like a broken record time and time again. Most people have the 300 lb gorrilla in the room they try not to acknowledge in our inner circle its the retard that looks like Harry Potter that people avoid. Trent is known for two incidents having a "fiesta" as he dubbed it in Victors kitchen where he got extremely inebrieated decided to make himself at home and delve through his cupboards until he found tortilla chips. When he found these he proceded to throw them everywhere on the kitchen and yelling "Fiesta, Fiesta!" The next event was one in which Trent vomited all over victors couch making no attempt to vomit in the bathroom or outside. Trent always keeps things interesting and you can always count on him to make the night interesting to say the least.
Pat Kapler- Usually rocking a wife beater coupled with the temperant that can only be described by a song lyric by Outkast "Whats cooler than being cool... ICE COLD". Ice cold is the swagger that Kapler posesses can be seen by anyone within the proximity. He exudes confidence but not cockiness and is known to be a real menace for opponents on the beer pong table. Kapler has been slated for a reality show on Fox premiering this Feburary on Fox called "Pat on the back" in which people get subjugated by Pat whether it be in Scrabble, basketball, or life in general. The show is aptly titled "Pat on the back" because Pat is left to console his opponents after destroying them and leaving them in tears so he offers them a "Pat on the back".
Chris Baker- 3 hour workouts, ramen noodles, and sentence structure that leaves you scratching your head... this is what truly describes Chris Baker. Baker has the laughter of a child and the anime collection of one too, but yet poses some of lifes deepest questions such as "does anyone need a fork?" and "have you guys seen john and quiet bill" refering to Jay and Silent Bob. His domain has also been the headliner for many a party adorned with black lights (thanks to the great folks at Spencers)and a fog machine, one could easily describe his basement as an LSD den but no its just Baker's basement. Bakers place is also known for his loud music and even louder mother known for her signature line "Chris get up here!" its hard to carry a conversation your voice begins to give out and succomb to the pressure of making facial and hand gestures to denote the message your trying to get across. I could write about Baker for awhile but I dont want to befuddle my readers with non sense and have them conversing in gestures as well. Well as far as writing about Baker anymore all I have to say is "Thats It Im Out Of Here". Look for his biography coming to a retail store near you entitled "The Boat That Never Left The Dock" with special word from Marvin The Farmer aka the man that "pitchforks" Bakers mother.
Jessica Rupp- A newbie to the inner circle is known to contribute her small town ways of life to the groups subculture. Although unfamiliar previously within the group she is slowly and surely being indoctrinated into their ways of life. To show her allegiance one of the first nights at Victors house she made her face very familiar with the toilet rumor has it later they added each other on facebook which Jessica's boyfriend was none to happy about. She is known for her eccentric smile, happy dispostion, offering advice to those who suffer from mental disabilites, and giving rides to those who are in need (we all are in need). If you junxtapose her to Chris Baker they are pretty much exactly opposite physcially and mentally to paint a picture. After a few drinks her signature line is "I love you" followed by a cozy hug. Jessica is a great addition to the group and adds an element that is lacked by many members some will say that element is a car while others say a brain.
Ursula Felix- Ursula known for her ostentatious way of dressing and a story at her disposal for every situation we may encounter and situations that we dont encounter, every word that is said is a possible trigger setting off a new story. She always keeps things lively and keeps people on their toes especially that of Chris Baker calling him out on several occasions. With a strong addiction to apples to apples you would guess she is very nutritious. Her likes include dominant men (see Kapler for more information), dancing to michael jackson endorsed games, and pondering whether people like her or not. Dislikes include people with autism, guys "fronting", and needles.
Cheap liquor runs rampant throughout this oasis with antequated songs and a damaged beer pong table these aggregrate pieces cumulate together to form the backbone of what victor's house truly is. To extend the religious metaphor we take communion with the liquor and sing along to the hymns being emitted from whomevers Ipod may be plugged in. Confession time comes when we are truly inebrieated enough to voice how we really feel. This experience is one that not many have felt on the grounds of the almighty victors, but one that should be crossed off everyones bucket list.
Update: During the elongated time it took writing this holy journal Victor has been exiled from his house by the will of his "Christian" mother and is currently staying at Bakers. Not only due to his get togethers but because of a 32 year old homeless man named Ryan Yuska (aka Ryan "UsedYa" because he UsedYa for all that you had when everything is said and done) decided Victor's mother's room would be prime real estate to securely put his homosexual porn collection. So I would like to extend a big "FUCK YOU" to Ryan Yuska.
posted by Steven Alex @ 10:04 AM
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