My Rock Band : The Crack-a-Laterns

"Crack-a-Laterns" rolls off your tongue a little bit, but not really. Its the name of my band that is about to become bigger than Mark Mangino if he ate Ralphie May and then followed it up on a 2 week eating binge at any Chinese Buffet. (if you dont know the names I drop, feel free to google search)

Now I may have stretched the truth just a tad, this band is a group of friends and I who got together and play the game Rockband, but we are so invested that we have actually became a real band through the game. On a daily basis we go through contract disputes with our label Geffen Records (screw you David Geffen, unless your writing me a check of course), the arduous road trips, groupies constantly throwing themselves at us, living with sweaty men in a cramped tour bus, and just flat out rocking.

Our band recently got done with the South American leg of our tour, only one member of our extended band went on a Colombian coke binge and is now pursuing a long term goal of staying in prison and staying their for the next 20 years, so far he has kept strong at this goal. When I say extended band, I mean the people behind the scenes such as the pyrotechnics people, stage hands, creative art director, band manager..... and the list goes on.

Our band is always in constant rotation, new members popping in and out.... just think of us like the rock version of Destinys Child with a revolving door of many new members we have joining the band. The main people are Brad Dunlay who is comparable the Jimi Hendrix on the guitar, he is the raw talent of the band. Then you have Shaun Paul Cody who can bust out some mean vocals, Shaun is also the heart throb of the group think of him like a black Jared Leto but with a much broader voice range. Then you have myself on the drums, I am like the Keith Moon or more modern for some of you the Travis Barker of drumming.

We also have some what of a minor league band or farm hand prospects that just didnt make the cut, this band is called the "Not-so-good-a-Laterns". These names include the likes of Pat Roloff and Jon Hanson. These members bring a raw passion and dedication to the band, but just do not have the talent. I mean I have missed my fair share of notes in my career but thats due to the fact ladies in the audience are throwing their unmentionables/under garments on stage at me and they land on my face. Listening to our minor league band most people would almost wish they were Hellen Keller in the room when they are playing.

People also ask me how we measure success for the band I usually look these people in the eye and say "We measure success by the number of boobs we sign" and then I giggle like a school girl. Honestly though for this band though I measure our success by the number of fans across the world that keep coming back for more and that are lazy enough to download are album rather than go out and buy it and support our extended band members coke habit.